I don't really believe in God or fate or karma or anything like that. And I usually get pretty annoyed when people speak of the "Universe" personally, as in, "The Universe knew I needed this today."
But sometimes it does seem the Universe is speaking, if we would only listen. Maybe it always is and life just sometimes opens up in ways that make it speak louder.
This weekend was one of those times in my life.
I had a couple of gigs with my band, the Terribly Fat. They went exceptionally well. We have a new guitarist and he's only done a few shows, so it was cool to see him start to get more comfortable in his role. We had good crowds Friday and Saturday, too. Saturday's show was a hometown event at the bar where the band got its start years ago. We hadn't played there in a year, so it was a big deal for us. Lots of old and new friends were there and the Goddess took the kids to Granny S so that we could have a night out together. We even gave the palace a good cleaning, because we were expecting a friend from out of town to stay with us, though she wasn't able to come to the show.
Things went really well and it was good to see the Goddess out like that, reprising her role as my wild girlfriend instead of just "mommy." Drinks were had. Much revelry was made.
Things went really well. Until they didn't.
It's a "developing situation" as they say on the news, so I will refrain from my usual practice of rehashing all the details. The short version is that there was some sort of discussion between the Goddess and some other women which ended with a male friend of mine publicly insulting the Goddess.
People talk about "crystallizing moments." This was one for me.
A few things became extremely clear in a flash. There were suddenly some "bright lines" for me where before it had only been vague abstraction.
The first thing that became clear for me in that instant was that there would never be a time when I am okay with someone insulting my wife.
Now, that seems pretty obvious. But I'd never had that brought into such focus for me.
The Goddess felt pretty miserable for many hours afterward, even crying inconsolably for a couple of hours. At least one (maybe two) other women stuck up for the guy about what had happened leading up to that moment.
But here's the thing: there is no "side of the story" you could possibly share that ends with, "And then he insulted your wife," where I would go, "Oh, okay. That's fine then."
My friend never apologized. To me, that's unthinkable. Or rather, it's unthinkable if you want to remain my friend. Instead, he's sought to justify his actions to others, trying to paint the Goddess as the bad person in this exchange. He just doesn't get it.
In my mind, any decent human being would apologize for what he said, then explain what led to it. That never even occurred to this guy.
The second thing that became instantly clear to me was that there is nothing more important to me than my family.
Again, this is something that I've known for a long time, but it became so perfectly obvious in an instant.
I realized with concrete fullness that there is nothing I will put ahead of my family: not my career, not money, not playing in a band, and not another's friendship. In a single moment, I realized I would give up anything for them.
My friendship with this man evaporated just that quickly. It was instantly not just less important, but less than worthless, even odious to me. I was sickened by the idea that I had been friends with someone like him.
Thankfully, that situation doesn't present itself very often. The Goddess is involved with her own interests, I am with mine, the kids with theirs, and we make it work. It really took someone outside our circle to force this issue in my mind.
Things are a mess right now. There is "drama" and turmoil between several friends and former friends. The outcome is up in the air and there will probably be some additional fallout.
But we picked up the kids from Granny S and came back to Crackerbox Palace on Sunday evening. The eleven-year-old asked the Goddess to cut his hair and then changed into a Spider-Man costume. The seven-year-old played Minecraft. Monkey and Ape ate apples and crackers and Dum-Dums before playing with trains and blocks in the dining room and living area. At one point the Monkey sat and fed me from a can of mixed nuts. In the space of about one hour, our recently-spotless home was transformed into lightly-controlled chaos.
But I wouldn't exchange it for the world.
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